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Soho Theatre meets... John-Luke Roberts

Mon 8 May

We tried to have a chat with John-Luke Roberts ahead of his run here from Tue 9 May but The Monarch turned up instead.

Nice to meet you, what’s your name?
I am the Monarch.

Where are you from?
I am a figment from a nightmare, made up variously of distorted memories of Dracula, John-Luke Roberts’s dad, and some calamari. My fingers are squid, and I’d ask you to stop staring at them or I’ll steal your bloody kidneys AND HOW WILL YOU PROCESS YOUR BODY’S EXCESS WASTE AND FLUID THEN, YOU BASTARDS?! When I’m tight for cash, I rent myself out to restaurants as a starter.

What brings you here?
John-Luke Roberts has not bothered to turn up, so I’ve had to fill in. He’s too busy attaching a UK to continental power adaptor to a continental to UK power adaptor, to a UK to continental power adaptor, and so on, back and forth. He’s got about twenty-five of the buggers because he’s trying to confuse his fridge into NOT BEING SURE IF IT’S ON HOLIDAY OR NOT. Little prick.

Sorry, didn’t get you a drink, what would you like?
Some watery air. If they haven’t got that some fizzy water.

Some crisps or nuts?
No I’ll have a pudding.

So, what’s so special about your show?
A man dresses up as an obese vampire, lipsyncs to a Swedish pop song and tells you how you’re going to die. There’s a moral too, but the less said about that the better.

How did the idea of the show come about?
I saw it on the news.

Do you come here often?
YES.

Where are you going after here…
Mordor with my flatmate and very good friend Andi Peters.

The Monarch & John-Luke Roberts are both in the house in John-Luke Roberts Builds a Monster from Tue 9 until Sat 13 May.

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